


Fic: Roads to Recovery

by Ephermeralk



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Underage, bottom!Jensen, mentions of past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephermeralk/pseuds/Ephermeralk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen hasn't bottomed since his awful experience with his first boyfriend, Jared. So when Jared shows up next to him at the local sports bar, more than 10 years later, there's absolutely no logical reason that Jensen should let Jared near him. Except that Jared's always been persistent, and Jensen might still like him...even with their not-stellar history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fic: Roads to Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> **A/n:** Written for [](http://skeletncloset.livejournal.com/profile)[**skeletncloset**](http://skeletncloset.livejournal.com/) ’s birthday for her long neglected prompt of “bottom trauma”. Happy birthday, bb!! I know you’ve been waiting for this for a long time, so I do hope that it’s okay!

“Hey.”

Jensen doesn’t turn around when he feels the tap on his shoulder. He’s sitting at the bar—his favorite bar in town—with a beer in one hand, watching the Spurs shoot hoops.

“Uhm. Can I sit here?” the voice asks. Something about the tone has Jensen wracking his brain trying to figure out where he recognizes it from. Most likely a one night stand. In which case, he definitely doesn’t want to make eye contact.

“It’s a free country,” he states blandly, trying to make his indifference evident. It clearly doesn’t work as the guy follows up with, “So, who’s winning tonight?”

“Score’s on the screen. Unless you’re illiterate. Which I highly doubt, seeing as you’ve managed to walk into a bar and order yourself a drink.”

“That’s not very nice, you know. All I wanted was some company.”

Jensen turns around to face the guy. Because maybe the guy just needs a good glare in order to fuck off and let Jensen drink by himself.

“Look—the gay club is right down the street. Literally. It’s called _Joqs_. You can’t miss it. I’m sure you’ll be able to pick someone up there.”

“But what if I don’t want anyone else?”

Jensen looks the guy over, all six-foot-something of him in a plaid shirt and worn jeans, long hair held down by a beanie. Something nags at him again, lurking out of reach in the back of his frontal lobe. Something _important_. If only Jensen could remember what it was…he washes down the thought with another drink of beer.

At least the guy’s attractive. Jensen will give him that. And maybe if plaid-shirt-guy stops interrupting Jensen’s enjoyment of the basketball game, Jensen might allow him the pleasure of having Jensen balls deep in his ass in the restroom afterwards. He’s not up for any apartment cleaning this evening, so anything that can’t be done in the semi-privacy of a bathroom stall is off the table tonight.

“Well. If you want my company, then you’ll have to play by my rules.”

“Which are…?”

“Right now, shutting up and letting me finish the game in silence. There’s only five minutes left in the 4th quarter.”

“Okay,” the guy agrees, although he looks slightly put out. “My name’s Jared by the way.”

Jared. _Jared_. Then everything fucking clicks, and Jensen could care less who’s going to win.

“Padalecki?” he growls, positive now that he thinks about it, even though it’s been over a decade since he’s seen the guy.

“Uh…yes…oh my God. Jensen, is that you? I totally didn’t recognize you man. And I thought that you were hot back in high school. Man, you’re looking great.”

“Get. Out. Of. My. Bar.” Jensen punctuates each word perfectly to make sure that even someone as block headed as Jared can understand.

“Do you own the place?” Jared asks. As if he has some right to come waltzing in to Jensen’s favorite bar and hit on him. No. Jared lost the right to talk to him the same night he took Jensen’s virginity. Jensen has never had a more awkward, humiliating, and painful night in his life.

“Doesn’t matter. Out you go,” he says, pushing Jared off the stool and trying to force him out of the door with a beer still in his hand.

“Look. Jensen. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” Jared asks in a hushed voice. “That was years ago man, and you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh. Excuse-me. How else was I supposed to take you saying ‘I thought you’d feel better’, while you fucking got off and I wound up bleeding out my ass? I had to go the E.D. _With my parents_!”

By now, Jensen’s practically yelling, and Jared takes him into a corner, and tries to soothe him by rubbing his arm.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, Jared.”

“I was sixteen, Jensen. I didn’t know how much lube I’d need. And yeah. I chaffed my dick, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. Honestly, my dick hurt. But when I tried to explain, you threw a hissy fit and shoved me out of your house.”

“I wasn’t even hard, you douche,” he says, although he’s deflated a little bit. It gives him a little vindication to know that Jared had hurt his penis at the same time. Even though the bastard had still managed to get off on the sex.

“Give me another chance and I’ll do better,” Jared says.

“No.”

“Please? I’m not in high school anymore, Jen. I know what I’m doing.”

“Still no. It’s always going to be no.”

“We were good together. You know, I’ve never felt as strongly about another person as I still do about you?”

“Yeah. Maybe we could have been good together. But you ruined that, Jared. And knowing you didn’t mean it? Sure, I can forgive you. Like you said, it’s been years. But anything more between us? Nope. Never going to happen.”

“Okay,” Jared says. He looks so dejected for a moment that Jensen almost reconsiders. “Well, it was good to see you, Jen.”

Jensen’s almost sad to see him walk out of the door. Almost.

\--

Jared’s been pushy for as long as Jensen’s known him, so he’s really not surprised when Jared walks back into the bar a week later. Jensen’s on a date—well a pre-hook-up meal, anyways—which he knows is shot the minute that Jared grins at him. Fuck. He’d been looking forward to getting laid all week.

“Hey guys,” Jared says as he swings a chair around, “whatcha talkin’ about?”

“Jared, please go,” Jensen asks in his nicest voice. He can still make this work out in his favor.

When Jared grins, all teeth, his date scoots his chair back. “Uh, look. No offense man, you’re hot, but I’m not looking for anything complicated.”

“Jared was just leaving.”

“Actually, I was thinking a plate of wings and a pitcher of beer sounded great. I’m buying if you want to stay.”

Jensen notes the challenging look in Jared’s eyes, and the guy scampers out of the bar. He doesn’t even stop to give Jensen his phone number, dammit.

“You scared away my date,” he says accusingly.

“Not my fault if the guys you choose dine with don’t have a backbone.”

Jensen narrows his eyes. “You’re buying me dinner. And beer.”

“Excellent!” Jared exclaims, “I’m starving.”

“Don’t think you’re getting anything out of this, Jay.” The nickname slips out before Jensen can catch himself. He pretends like he meant it all along. “Dinner and drinks. That’s all. You go back to your home, I go back to mine. And then you don’t crash my dates anymore. Got it?”

“Sure,” Jared smiles, dimples flashing. They were the first thing that Jensen had noticed about Jared back in high school, and they’ve only gotten more pronounced with time. Jensen really shouldn’t be noticing them, except for how he is. Except for how they still make his stomach flip after all these years. Even after everything that happened.

“So Jared,” Jensen says after the pitcher and the first plate of wings that Jared ordered has arrived. “I guess we might as well be civil if you insist on frequenting my bar. So tell me, what are you doing with yourself these days?”

Jared shrugs easily. “Not much, life in the wide world, yadda, yadda. Wound up getting degree in law, and I’m working at the DA’s office downtown.”

“Huh. I never saw you as the lawyer type.”

“Oh really?”

“Nope. Always thought of you more as the construction-worker type. Not that I was aware there was anything inside your giant forehead that would need hard-hat protection.”

“Ouch,” Jared exclaims, grasping at his shirt where his heart lies underneath. “Right where it hurts. I see the years have not dulled your tongue in the slightest…although, I wouldn’t say no to seeing what else your tongue can do these days, I do remember it being quite talented.”

Jensen stands up to leave, because wings and beer—so not worth this. He doesn’t know what got into his head that he even suggested it.

“On that eloquent note, I’m leaving. And a restraining order isn’t off the table if you keep showing up. Just so you know.”

The expression on Jared’s face changes immediately, to one that Jensen could only classify as a hurt puppy. He steals his resolve, because Jared clearly hasn’t changed. No matter what he espoused the other day.

“Jensen!” Jared grabs him, his long fingers easily covering the circumference of Jensen’s wrist bones. “Hey, man I’m sorry. Look. I say the stupidest things sometimes. I swear it’s like a fucking tick when I’m around you. I get so nervous, and I don’t think…”

“Damn right you don’t,” he growls. But he doesn’t leave.

“Please sit back down. I promise if I say anything stupid for the rest of the night, I won’t ever come back. You have my word.”

“Really?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Hope you die,” Jensen mutters under his breath, but he takes a seat. He sits back and crosses his arms, waiting for Jared to make the first move. Half-hoping that Jared will say something stupid and then he can get blissfully drunk and pretend that this night never happened. His other, hornier side would rather see Jared on his knees, swallowing down his cock later.

“So, uh, what do you do here in town, Jensen?”

“I work.”

“As…”

“A librarian.”

“Lots of books then…”

“And computers, and helping college kids find the right resources for their papers.”

“Do you like it?”

“Absolutely. Do you like your job, Jared?”

“I prosecute child-abuse cases. So—like is a strong word. I see the worst of what humans do to each other. But sometimes I get to put away those sons-of-bitches for twenty or thirty years. And, I know that doesn’t help whatever kid’s life they’ve inflicted such pain on…but I also know they won’t be doing it again any time soon.”

Wow. Jensen was definitely not expecting that.

“I don’t know what to say…”

“Say you’ll go home with me so that we can relieve some stress.”

Jensen narrows his eyes. _Jared’s hot_ his brain supplies, _and he has a steady job where he helps abused children._ He’s pretty much perfect, with the exception that Jensen’s not letting him go anywhere near his ass. Ever. He should really walk out right now and put in for a restraining order like he’d threatened. Except his dick is totally down with Jared’s plan. As long as Jared doesn’t think he'll be putting his dick anywhere near Jensen's ass.

“I’m not letting you fuck me.”

Jared nods. He obviously knows it’s a reasonable request, and hell, if it wasn’t for him, they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

“Deal.”

“I’m also not going back to your place. We can do it in the bathroom or not all.”

He’d expected some sort of fight, maybe about sanitation or health-code violations, but instead, Jared tips back the rest of his beer and makes his way to the men’s restroom.

It’s awkward, once Jensen gets inside, it’s all teeth and tongue, and they’re both fighting for dominance, both trying to show the other who’s the best at fucking. It’s…unpleasant to say the least, and Jensen pulls away in order to bite a bruise over Jared’s jugular. He sucks until Jared starts to press against him, thrusting his pelvis into Jensen’s, and then he remembers _exactly_ how big Jared is. With the exception that Jared had been _sixteen_ at the time, and his dick seems to have grown at least another two inches since then. Jensen freezes, not licking, not sucking, he can’t move because oh god, what was he thinking? He can’t do this, not with Jared’s dick so close to his ass, bringing back memories that were best left forgotten. This was a huge mistake.

“Hey,” Jared says, stalling his thrusts and kissing Jensen lightly on the lips. “You here with me?”

“I can’t do this. Too many bad memories. I’m…I’m not even hard right now, Jared.”

“Can I help you with that?” Jared asks seriously, reaching out a hand, but not touching Jensen’s dick until he has permission. “I want you to feel good…and feel safe with me.”

Jensen takes a deep breath. He’s a grown man, not a scared kid anymore. And hell, he deserves to have Jared make him feel good.

“Yeah,” he says. It comes out a little bit higher than he’d anticipated, but luckily enough, Jared doesn’t laugh at him. Instead he goes right for Jensen’s zipper and gets his pants down around his thighs before dropping to his knees and pressing gentle kisses all over Jensen’s balls and cock. He licks Jensen, tracing veins with his tongue and stopping right underneath the tip to suckle at the nerve endings, causing Jensen to pump his hips and shove his dick further into Jared’s mouth. Jared’s possibly the only man who’s been able to take him all, to swallow his dick until his lips are pressed snuggly against his shaved groin, and still be able to moan around him.

Jensen pulls out right before he comes, littering his spunk across Jared’s rosy, tear-stained cheeks, before collapsing against the wall.

“Holy hell, that was perfect,” he says, tucking himself back into his pants, and unlocking the door.

“Wait—what about me?” Jared asks, his dick straining against his tight jeans.

“Maybe next time,” Jensen says. “I’m gonna go home. But thanks for dinner. Same time next week?”

He doesn’t stay long enough to hear Jared’s response.

\--

Jensen doesn’t actually expect Jared to show up again, not after the jackass way that he treated him last week. But instead, Jared’s already sitting down at the same table, basket of wings and pitcher of Jensen’s favorite beer ordered.

He smiles at Jensen, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. “Just so you know, that was a one-time deal. If this,” he gestures between the two of them, “is going to go any further, I won’t be treated like that. I can’t be held guilty for my sixteen-year-old actions for the rest of my life. And I like you, Jensen. I’ve always liked you—I’d practically do anything to date you. But we’ve got to let the past stay there. Are you in?”

Jensen considers his offer. It only takes a second. He’s thirty-five, after all. Picking up random guys at the sports bar every week is getting to be too much work for him. “Fine.”

“So you’re my boyfriend?”

“Sure.”

“Well then, let’s celebrate.”

They drink through two pitchers of beer and eat three plates of wings before they end up back at Jensen’s place, thoroughly inebriated and slightly bloated. Jensen doesn’t care though, he just wants to have sex. Now.

He pushes Jared towards the bedroom, almost falling over in his haste to get out of his shoes and socks. “Get on the bed, ass up.”

“No.”

Jensen stops fighting with his belt buckle. “Excuse me?”

“You know I’m not going to bottom for the rest of our lives, right? You’ve got to get over your fear of my dick.”

“I’m not scared of it. I just want to fuck you.”

“You’re totally scared of it. I mean, I know it’s big…but it’ll fit, I promise.”

“I’m not goddamn afraid of your penis. It was just…uncomfortable and horrifying the last time it was in my body.”

Jared pulls him forward, and kisses him. Not going for dominance, or making sure that Jensen knows exactly how far Jared can get his tongue into his body. No, he goes slowly. Waits for Jensen. Shows him patience.

“Then let’s go slow,” he whispers against Jensen’s mouth, “Create new-- _better_ \--memories.”

And against Jensen’s best laid plans, against him swearing that he wouldn’t bottom, not for anyone, especially not Jared, he finds his walls breaking. Something about that way that Jared holds his head in his hands, like he’s special. Like there’s no way that Jared will let him get hurt this time around. He’s willing to…try.

“You’ve got one chance,” he says, “and if I don’t come, or if I have to go back to the Emergency Room, you _are_ bottoming for the rest of our relationship.”

“Deal,” Jared returns, backing him up until his knees touch the bed, and then Jared’s between him, on top of him, goddamn everywhere. He flicks his tongue over Jensen nipples, getting them hard and wet before pulling off and blowing cold air on them, making him squirm. His hands travel across his ribcage and down his spine, pulling Jensen close against his body, sliding his dick over Jensen’s. They stay like that for a few minutes, panting heavily and reacquainting their cocks, before Jared moves his body further down, spreads Jensen’s legs, and exposes his most private, pink and freckled opening to Jared’s gaze.

“Gods, Jen. Just as beautiful as I remember.”

He doesn’t give Jensen time to respond, instead he puts his lips there, pressing kisses deeper into Jensen’s rim before licking insistently, touching Jensen’s insides with his tongue.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop,” he whines as Jared pulls off with a wet, slurping noise.

“Gotta, babe. Gonna put it in you.”

It takes all of Jensen’s courage not to climb out of Jared’s grasp and run away, anywhere else in the world, where he won’t be split open on Jared’s dick. He breathes deeply. Calms himself. He can do this. He can do this for himself. And maybe, just a little bit, for Jared too. Face his fears and come out the other side stronger than before.

“Ok,” he whispers, looking Jared straight in his lust-blown eyes. Hopes that Jared sees that Jensen’s trusting him here. More than he should, given their history.

Sometime, while he’d been lost in his own headspace, attempting to re-wire his neurons, Jared must have put enough lube on his dick to drown a small horse, because he’s sloppy, absolutely drenched when he presses the tip against Jensen’s hole, only has to thrust slightly before he’s all the way inside. There’s only a minor stretch, a hint of a burn, but Jared’s hand is on his dick and he’s jacking Jensen off fast, making him come before Jared’s even really started to move inside of him.

Once his stomach is splotchy white, Jared sits up on his knees and pulls Jensen up at a slant, where his pelvis is seated on Jared’s lap, and then he really starts to fuck.

“This—ok?” he asks in huffing grunts, and Jensen wonders if he’d pull out if Jensen said it wasn’t. But he doesn’t want him to. Jared took care of him first, and Jensen’s happy to relax and watch the show of Jared’s dick being swallowed and then spit out by his body, watch his arms flex, and his stomach quiver as Jared’s pace goes erratic, and then stutters to a halt.

Jared collapses on top of him then, pushing the air out of his lungs, and heating him up until he shoves Jared’s large body off.

“One rule, if you’re staying over,” he says, running his hand through Jared’s sweat soaked hair.

“Hmm?” Jared sighs, semi-consciously starting to grope Jensen’s dick again.

“You have to be the little spoon.”  



End file.
